Chico Integrated Male
Chico Integrated Male is a men’s support group meeting weekly in Chico, California.
It is open to adult men who attend in-person meetings. We currently meet on Sunday evenings.
The group is inspired and informed by several works - particularly No More Mr. Nice Guy (NMMNG) by Dr. Robert Glover.
An integrated man:
- has a strong sense of self and likes himself.
- takes care of his own needs.
- is comfortable in his masculinity and sexuality.
- is a leader.
- values integrity.
- expresses his feelings in a very direct fashion.
- sets clear boundaries and sticks to them.
- is not afraid of conflict.
- accepts his flaws and being imperfect.
The core principle of an integrated male is authenticity. An authentic integrated man means speaks his mind and boldly seeks what he wants. His thoughts, words, and actions are all congruent.
Unfortunately, many men are socialized to be nice guys. According to NMMNG, a nice guy may be:
- The great listener whose female friends label him a “catch” but who never has a date on Saturday night.
- The husband who tries desperately to please his wife and whose marriage is emotionally and sexually unfulfilling.
- The reliable buddy who everyone turns to for favors and advice but whose own life is in shambles.
Nice guys often have these behaviors:
- Giver/caretaker
- Seeks approval from others, especially from women
- Conflict-avoidant
- Seeks the right way to do things
- Tries to be perfect and avoid mistakes (so people don’t think they’re bad)
- Represses their feelings
- Wants to be different from his father
- More comfortable being “friends” with women
- Exerts tremendous effort to make their partners happy
Men who engage in “nice guy” behaviors often think that being “nice” means they will receive love and respect and enjoy success. That strategy doesn’t work. And “nice guys” often aren’t really being “nice” at all. Instead, they’re probably
- Telling people only what they want to hear
- Hiding their true intentions and desires
- Using indirect means and manipulation to get what they want
- Controlling
- Only giving to get
- Silently seething with resentment and anger
The purpose of the group is to create an environment where we can support each other and hold each other accountable as we eliminate “nice guy” behaviors as we become integrated men.
If you are interested in attending a meeting, please send a text message to +1 408 889 9347 or email to info@chicoim.com.
There is no charge for group membership or attending meetings.
We expect that group members will:
- Attend meetings punctually and regularly
- Maintain confidentiality of the identities and information shared by other members
- Participate in group discussions with respect and compassion for other members
- Not engage in disruptive or unproductive behavior
Helpful books